outrageousness in all propensity...

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

  • Coming to the realization that you are just like everyone else...you are average...you are normal...how do we deal with this horrible truth? The dreams and ideals that American culture have taught us are false; the individual is not special. Most of us are average...and there's really not much you can do about it. You can fantasize that you'll be a bigshot celebrity...you think that believing it will somehow give you the talent. the motivation. the power. but it never will.

    You will be just another one of us. Another person with another job, another pet, another spouse, another fridge, another car, another house. Working from 9 to 5 in a god forsaken cubicle, desk, office, whatever...staring at a glowing screen for hours at a day. Oh how was your week? School work huh? Getting busy right? Just trying to live through the week? Have any plans for the weekend? Oh I'm sure that'll be fun.

    But some of us get to ride the oceans, some will travel around the globe, some will go into space. Some of us will break free of the cycle and live...to live.

    Let's live to live.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

  • Nothing Profound

    All my life I have tried to assign existence some sort of meaning, some sort of purpose. My existential crisis tsunamied itself into my life, devastating the house of my mind, removing my mental shelter. Ever since I then I have tried to rebuild those structures. I wanted to make them stronger, I wanted to make them impenetrable. But then I realized, there is no impenetrable defense.

    It is impossible to try to rebuild that security, because a tsunami is an unstoppable force. The tsunami seeks not to destroy you, seeks not to hunt you down and murder you. No, it has no purpose. It is simply part of the equation of the system we call the Earth, of the system we call the Universe. Which is exactly what we must all come to realize.

    Like a tsunami, life has no real purpose other than to exist. Life is just another part of the system. Once you realize what your existential crisis is really trying to teach you, you will realize that the tsunami isn't just a tsunami; its a gigantic wave, begging to be surfed. And you'll ride it, not because you realize you'll be otherwise killed by it, but because that is the only thing to do.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Monday, 11 May 2009

  • GOALS

    Organize, Organize, Organize
    Get a lot more hardcore in Psychology
    Learn how to NOT complain so fucking much
    Finish the god damn house extension
    Practice Guitar, get my skills back
    Draw a lot
    Get my fucking GAME on

Monday, 04 May 2009

Thursday, 16 April 2009

  • Identity and Emulation

    I express myself using the cliches of others. if this is so, do I have a self? Where is my originality? My creativity? Is my uniqueness defined by the fact that I imitate the world around me?

    I have become what I used to hate, and I hate what I used to be. Oh, the Irony of it all. If only I had known.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

  • The Real Problem

    Whats wrong with me? Really? Chemical imbalances? Is there someone else to blame? Why do I blame myself when I'm not to blame, and why do I blame someone else when I am to blame?

    What does my mind think the way it does? Why can't I be more positive? More optimistic? Why can't I look towards the future with an open mind and an open heart?

    Why can't I just get things done? Why can't I just take responsibility? Why do I procrastinate SO MUCH? Why am I such a Rebel wannabe? Why am I so god damned lazy?

    Why am I on xanga listing all the things I hate about myself? Instead of shutting up, and trying to change?

    I've changed so many things about myself, but why can't I change these?

Thursday, 01 January 2009

Friday, 31 October 2008

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

  • reminisce

    reminisce with me...lay back with me...close your eyes with me and imagine a world with you and me...

    a whole entire world where we are the main characters in the movie and everyone else is just another extra. The world exists for us and we exist for the world. Without the world, we are but two sourceless beings. Without us, the world has no meaning.

    but this movie has a sad ending.

    </story>
    I am a diagram person. Show me your diagrams!

deskclerk

  • Visit deskclerk's Xanga Site
    • Name: Xavier
    • Gender: Male
    • Member Since: 8/4/2003

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